Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Alcohol Warning

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers haveaccepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placedimmediately on all beer containers:

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what thehell happened to your bra.

2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whisperingwhen you are not.

3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like aretard.

4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friendsover and over again that you love them.

5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe thatex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logicallyconverse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mysticalKung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in themorning and see something really scary.

10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicablerug burns on the forehead.

11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you aretougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you areinvisible.

13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people arelaughing WITH you.

14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in thetime-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

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